Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
