Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
