I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Randomize
