That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize