Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
