Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
