Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
