i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
