its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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