why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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