I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize