after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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