No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
