I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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