Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize