Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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