Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
