When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Damn victory sex feels great
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
