This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
