I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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