we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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