Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
