I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
