She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
the liver wants what the liver wants
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
