i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
