o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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