So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
