why didn't you poke me back
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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