There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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