It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
