you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
