All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize