he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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