I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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