Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
