I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize