ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
