Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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