I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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