i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
