I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
