Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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