she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
