I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Congratulations! We have a period
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