haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
