dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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