How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
