JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
