im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
