So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
