she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
