The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
