Swine flu. Run for my life!
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
