Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
