it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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