Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
