Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
My orgasm happened in two different decades
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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