I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize