do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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