If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
