there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
