don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize