i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
the raccoons are back...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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