so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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