that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
