My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
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