you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
