where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
