i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
