I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
