brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
