You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
