sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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