he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
