I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
