why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
