i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
