When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
