I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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