I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I wish you could order shots online.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
