Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
