super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
