I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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