so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I think people are normalizing furries
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
