Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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