It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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