Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
