You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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