Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
