I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize