Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize