you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
