Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
