If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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