I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
