Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
