Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
